Gizmo reports from Round 3 of Junior A Championship
Due to a long-running contractual dispute with the Executive, (to accurately document the Junior A team’s season), unfortunately I have been forced to resort to strike action. It’s not a choice like my diet, it’s a necessity like my drinking. Therefore, this week’s report will be minimalistic, just like my remuneration.
Match Statistics:

Venue: Ballycullen Meadows – SDCC’s rewilding programme means small children could get lost in the length of the grass on the pitches.

Weather: Muggy & Damp – I was sweating like “Vegas Elvis” playing squash.

Opponents: Our old friends/enemies (Delete as appropriate) – Round Towers

Competition: Far too much for 10am with a hangover
Support: Like my prostate, mostly blue and much larger than expected

Atmosphere: Hostile – sorry, competitive

Total Shots: Six – 1 Sambuca, 2 Tequila, 2 Baby Guinness & 1 Slippery nipple

Total shots in the match: Lots

Shots on target: Few

Shots against posts, uprights and crossbar: Far too many

Completed passes: If you include the ones straight to the opposition – then 100%

Turnovers: More than Brennans Bread produce in a calendar year.

Goals: Give up drinking before 1pm
Goals in game: 3
Points: At least 12, mainly Guinness but there was a couple of bottles of Heineken and a Fishbowl in Coppers
I said POINTS, not PINTS: Apologies, 10
Kick outs won: 100% – well someone won them, wasn’t always us
Average distance covered: Half of what the management covered, up and down the sideline.
Shot of the Day: Weldon’s attempt at a point midway through the 2nd half. The lad couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat.

Heart Rate: Borderline stroke

Work rate: Frantic. Up and down the wings quicker than Jack Nolan in KFC

Verdict: Good accomplished team performance and through to the quarter final

Standout performances: Ciaran Cashman, Karl Weldon, Dan Lynch, Joe Maguire, Fionn Keating McDermott

Highlights: Kebab & Curried Chip on the way home. (Why do culchies always do that? There is more than one chip, so it’s plural. Curried CHIPS, not Curried Chip)
Taxi home: €28.70. I was robbed

Final Score: BBSE 3-10 Round Towers 0-5
The Panel: Mark McNamee, Mark Reynolds, Fionn Keating McDermott, Luke Mulligan Lynch, Richard O’Halloran, Paddy McWalter, Joe Maguire (0-1), Jack Hucthinson, Dan Lynch, Conor Kennedy, Enda Cashman (0-6), Karl Weldon, Jim Kennedy (0-2),
Ciaran Cashman (2-0), Laurence Murphy, Jack O’Connor, John McGinn (0-1), Jimmy Meaney (1-0), Aodhan O’Reilly, Eoin Egan, Barry O’Donnell, Eoin Donne, Eoghan Monahan, Jake Turley, Cian Hassett, Colm Humpreys, Karl Reddy, David Monahan
Special thanks to Sean Gilheaney (Photos), Spud & Donal  (Umpires)